What a Difference a Year Makes

It is inevitable. The darling little babies you hold, cuddle, love, and protect with all your being, grow up. As parents, you may not like it, but it cannot be stopped. It is the equivalent of a freight train in motion: once it gets going, there is no stopping it.

In our home, we truly had to accept that our eldest was ready to fly. In August, he left home and headed out into the great beyond to begin his venture and adventure into adulthood. Ok....in reality, he left for college, but it is pretty much the same thing. He is no longer under our roof. He is no longer under our wings...he is flying without a net, at least for the most part, for the first time in his life.

When he left for college, I expected to be hysterical. Everyone told me I would be a wreck. The truth? I was excited for him. He was ready and, if I am being completely honest, so were we. Perhaps it is the only child in me...I was raised to be independent and I believe he is just enough like me to have that same independent streak. I knew he would take what he needed from us and figure the rest out on his own. Two months in, he is doing exactly that.

It did take awhile for our household to acclimate to being down one member....not to mention one additional driver! We all mourned the loss of the day to day interactions with him...parents, siblings, and even dogs...but life goes on.

Like it or not, we all learn and grow. While he is learning and growing on his own, we are learning and growing right along with him. Learning to let go. Learning to worry just a little less with each passing weekend. Learning to adjust to a smaller family size, knowing that he will probably never live at home again for more than just a few weeks or months.

It is all part of the process...the circle of life, so to speak. He is doing well. He has struggles, but, again, that is part of growing up. He is making new friends and has joined a fraternity, thus giving him a new "family". I do not worry it will replace us, but it is one step closer to his future as an adult: finding his own network and support system...individuals who are there by choice, not by biology.

As for the rest of us...life goes on and we all keep moving forward. It seems like the clock speeds up the older the children get....although I guess perhaps I should adjust that very statement as we really no longer have children...a kid, a teenager, and a young adult.

Just for a moment I would like to freeze time...but only for a moment. As parents, this is our job: raising individuals who are ready to fly. We do not have to like it, but it does not make it any less real.

Fly, baby fly. Know we are here to catch you, but the world is yours for the taking....make the most of it.

Moving Right Along

As a child, I loved the song "Moving Right Along" from the Muppet Movie. It was about moving forward and pursuing a dream. This has been a mantra for parenting in our home as well. Sometimes it feels more like one step forward and two steps back, but like it or not, we keep moving right along.

2013 was a huge year in our home. Our oldest son became an adult, at least in the eyes of the law. Our daughter, the middle child, became a teenager, and our youngest, hit double digits. In many ways 2014 will also be a monumental year. Our oldest graduates from high school at the end of May and will head off to college, out of state to boot, in August. It will be the first time we have been apart from any of our children for more than a week or two at any point in any of their, or our, lives.

Like all parents, we want the best for our children. We want them to bloom and grow. We do our best to cultivate their strengths and attempt to help them work through their challenges. Wow! This sounds like such great parenting on paper, but in reality, we just do the best we can and hope we are preparing them to be good, kind, loving, caring, compassionate, and responsible individuals. I guess this begs the question: are we preparing him nearly as much as we are attempting to prepare ourselves? I guess the answer is really that we are attempting to do both.

When I was pregnant with our oldest child, I spent my entire pregnancy in awe of what was happening. We made a person! There was an actual person growing inside me. I was terrified, but amazed nonetheless. 

When our first son was born, from the instant I held him in my weary arms, I was in awe of him and, again, I was terrified. From the very beginning, I frequently wondered who thought we were responsible enough to make life-altering decisions for another human being!??? It was a crazy adventure, and all we could do was the very best we could. 

We pulled on our personal experiences as children and tried to figure out how to do the "parenting thing". Now that precious baby boy is making life-altering decisions of his own: where to go to school, what to major in at the school where he will spend the next three (yes, three...he will graduate from high school with most of his freshman year completed) years, and what does he want to do after that? 

As parents, we are reflecting back on our own respective college experiences. We both made choices along the way that altered our paths. Many of our choices were not very good ones...and the results directly impacted the "big picture" of our lives. I believe it is also fair to say that neither one of us ended up where we expected to be when we were moving toward the end of our senior years in high school. 

That said, speaking only for myself, there is very little I would do over. My experiences have made me who I am. My not-very-well-thought-out college choice the first time through landed me where I am today. I kept moving forward. I met the man with whom I would spend, at present count, the next nineteen years of my life. We created three children.

I left home for college when I was eighteen. I left college and moved across the country before I turned nineteen. My oldest child will be four months short of nineteen when he begins his college experience. Thinking back to that darling little boy who used to look at me with unconditional love, I cannot imagine that we are sending him out into the world at large to make his own choices and pursue his own goals. 

Perhaps it sounds odd that I did not say, "pursue his own dreams", but the phrasing was deliberate. Dreams are one thing, goals are another. As an adult, I believe our son is beginning to clarify his ultimate goals in life. The next year, possibly two, will probably help him work through this process. 

Twenty-five years ago, had you asked me where I expected to be at forty-four years old, where I am now would not have even been a consideration. Don't get me wrong, there is very little I would change if given a "do-over". The "would haves, could haves, should haves" will bury you. To quote John Lennon, "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans". In so many ways, I know I have lived my life, rather than making plans that I could never bring to fruition. For my son, I hope he is able to do the same. 

I have lived the life I have chosen, not the life others expected me to live. At some point along the way, I realized that it was my life and I had to make my own choices. As an "adult", this seemed like the logical thing to do. As a parent, I am terrified for my own child to do the same. Hypocritical? Absolutely. Hoping he learns from my/our mistakes? Absolutely. Hoping he makes his own mistakes but does not live to regret them? Without a doubt. 

There are still days that I wonder who thought we were responsible enough to make life-altering decisions for other human beings. As we set our first fledgling out into the world, it is becoming clear that we need to change that mindset. We were given the privelege of making these decisions, but have we prepared him to now make life-altering decisions of his own? I guess we will see.

Simplifying...One Day at a Time

I will admit I am glad to close the book on 2013. It was a year with many highs and lows. It was also a year with enormous milestones for my family.

Around mid-year, it occurred to me that by the end of the year, my baby would be in double-digits, my daughter would be a teenager and my oldest "baby" would be an adult (at least in the eyes of the law). Wow! I also realized that I do not always do such a great job of leading by example when it comes to my children. I often feel like I expect a lot from them, but perhaps do not give back as much as I am able.

As I face 2014, my goal is to simplify.

*I want to simplify my life.
*I want to simplify my home: move out the clutter and the things that I have kept while waiting for the perfect home to appear for them. I am tired of tripping over things that we no longer use and passing over clothes I know I will never wear again.
*I want to take control...of my life, my home, and my happiness.
*I want to be more positive and truly not sweat the small stuff: instead of just saying the small stuff is not worth sweating.
*I want to simplify the way we eat: slowly but surely, we are working on turning around our eating habits so we are just simply healthier.
*I want to simplify our finances: if we don't need it or won't use it regularly, we should not buy it. If there is food in the freezer, we should not eat out.
*I want to declutter my thinking: there are things I have wanted to do but haven't...it is time to put up or shut-up. If I don't do things, I am choosing not to do them. There is always time...if it's not going to happen, I need to accept that and move forward instead of having a list of, "if I ever get time I want to...".
*I want to appreciate the good things in my life: rather than worrying about what I don't have, what others have, and what I think I want. What I want is to sleep well at night surrounded by my loved ones.
*I want to remember to appreciate the amazing people in my life: over the last several years, I have lost some people I believed were the closest of friends. I want to be ok with this and let it go. When I dwell on these lost friendships, I am continuing to give them energy that I want to direct toward positive endeavors.

I think that's about it for now. Not ambitious or anything, right?

Happy New Year! Happy Decluttering!